As a teacher and a father, I find myself asking some pretty deep questions. One of those questions is "When did we lower the standards for our children?" I am amazed at how little we expect from ourselves and children. While I was in college at Western Kentucky University back in the late 80's and early 90's, I was having a conversation with some good friends of mine. Out of nowhere, a friend said, "Success only comes to those who pursue it." Those eight words have stuck with me for nearly thirty years. As I reflect back on those words, I realize we aren't teaching kids how to pursue success.
I talk to my students almost daily about the idea that my job is not to give them the answer, but to help them FIND the answer. The reason I emphasize this is because we have a moral and ethical responsibility to teach our kids to be the best, self-sufficient adults they can be. We can't do that when we constantly walk in front of them and clear the path. We need to walk behind them and pick them up when they fall, because success doesn't come without failure. In our attempts to protect children, we have taken away the single-most important lesson in life: how to rise up from adversity.
I remember when I used to play sports as a child in a small town. The local newspaper published every score of every game (probably because they had little else to cover). I don't remember us getting "participation trophies" just for showing up. The scores mattered because we were taught to be competitive. Life is competitive and kids need to know how to thrive in it. There are winners and losers in life and we can't shelter children from this fact. We need to help them become winners and learn from the defeats.
During a conversation with a former colleague of mine, the subject of parental expectations came up. I heard this parent, who is also a teacher, say that her expectation of her teenage daughter is for her to not end up pregnant. It was that moment when I thought, "Have we really lowered our expectations so much that NOT becoming pregnant while in school is the sign of success for us as parents?"
My belief is that kids will usually give us what we want and no more. If I tell a class they need to do a three-page report, they will give me almost exactly three pages or less. I might have a few do more, but they are the exception. If I'm comfortable with that conclusion, why not ask more of my students instead of less? What I've noticed is that we are setting the bar way too low in EVERYTHING.
What can we do immediately to encourage our kids to succeed? First, we need to talk to our children, at school and at home, about what will make them successful. We need to help them set goals and monitor them. Second, don't be afraid of your children failing at something. Don't give them everything they ask for. Sometimes, we should encourage our kids to work for something. Isn't that what you do in the "real world?" Last, we need to simply ask for more from our kids. If you have been telling your kids that passing their classes is good enough, be more specific. Encourage them to get B's and C's instead. Teachers...when a student asks you what time class is over, ask them if there is a way for them to find that out without asking you. I bet they have their schedule right in front of them as well as a clock. That may sound simplistic, but you're creating an environment of self-reliance. We all want the best for our kids and now we need to start asking for it. Remember: Success only comes to those who pursue it.
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